We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
