i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
