loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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