Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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