I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
