Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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