I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
