thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
