my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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