i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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