Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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