Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
