I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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