You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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