R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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