I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
