maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Randomize
