Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just high enough for therapy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
