My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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