im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
