Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
