Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
All I want is dick and wine.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
