I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
