There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
