We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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