I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
