I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
