Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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