the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
