Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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