I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
