I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
