I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
