If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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