Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
