FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
