I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
