you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
