I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
