I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
