My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
this just has baby written all over it
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
