Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
