Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
