guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
