I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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