why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
