So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
