We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if only i could text you this smell
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize