She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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