So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
