As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
