took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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