I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
