I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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