Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
