Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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