I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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